To a married man: It will shock you how much it never happened
The men after my marriage ended: Part 1
When my marriage ended, I was at a loss. One of the things I lost was the sense of feeling desirable. I’d been with the same person for over eighteen years, since the age of twenty-one. And that one person no longer wanted me. And so. I decided to get my magic back. Kind of like Elizabeth Gilbert eating, praying, and loving—except in hotel bars. Drinking instead of eating. Playing instead of praying.
<Law & Order voice>These are those adventures.</Law & Order voice>. DUN DUN.
Another life
He was naked in front of me. Weeping.
“What am I going to say to my wife?”
I stood up straight, feeling like I was towering over him. My mind sobered.
“What the fuck did you say?” I took an authoritative tone.
“What am I going to say to my wife?”
“You are not saying anything to your wife.”
“What?”
And then I said the words I’d been waiting to say ever since I first heard them on Mad Men. I quoted Don fucking Draper.
“It will shock you how much this never happened.”
“What?”
He had clearly never watched Mad Men.
“This never happened.” I tried to put on my best Don Draper face. Never mind that I was in three-inch rhinestone heels and a stage of undress.